January 12, 2010 § 11 Comments

{turtle beach}

It’s been chilly here but the sun is shining, skies blue. Today we spent most of the day at Turtle Beach, one of the prettiest in the area. I sat on the sand despite the wind & just enjoyed watching the beautiful blue waves splash around & white shells washing up.

Hans is back in Holland & we miss him terribly! I can’t wait for the 3 of us to be together again, in our big old house, with our demanding cats in our lovely medieval city. Why can’t there be a happy medium? I feel selfish for wanting so much. Really selfish.

I feel home there, home here. I am happy there, happy here. There’s a pull to each & it’s frustrating beyond belief. I want to live in the US again but I don’t really want to give up our life in Holland, either. Whaaaa???

We fly back on thursday & it’s always bittersweet. I hatehatehate saying goodbye to my family. I can’t wait to get to Hans. I want to stay, want to go. I want to speak English all of the time & not feel like my ‘Merican ways are so alien. I want wide open spaces, mountains & New England & yet…I want to speak Dutch & live in a country where guns are illegal, the culture is relatively relaxed & eating over the course of several hours is normal.

I love the US
I love Holland

Double whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.


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